Ceri & Niki drove across India, learned the meaning of terror, and walked back.

Before starting:
Always fold wing mirrors against car door. They will only get sheared off in the accident and they're too useful to lose. If wishing to overtake, use horn when approaching a car from behind, as everyone else has their wing mirrors folded in too.

On starting the engine:
You can't be sure your engine is really started until you've revved it a good nine or ten times. The vast plume of smoke means that the engine is clean of all the pollutants now choking the people at the bus stop.

Seat-belts:
Like crash helmets, a European fashion statement only. Place melon and lime under the wheels and burn some garlic to ensure a safe journey. Road safety, like everything else in India, is in the hands of the Gods. Hence the Indian taxi driver's ability to overtake on blind corners. At night. Without lights. Do unbolt the seats though. All backpackers love a good arse-spanking when touring a city's potholes.

If you have an accident:
Get on top of the vehicle and have a sleep. You never know when you might have to do another 20 hour drive across Rajasthan so take your opportunities when they arise. If you can hit another car, bike, pedestrian - do. If you hit a cow, stop and pray.

If carrying flammable liquids:
Ensure receptacle used to transport said liquid leaks, and driver must smoke at all times.

In-car entertainment:
All Hindi/Tamil videos/music must be played full blast to deafen passengers and prevent the driver falling asleep before reaching Mumbai tomorrow lunchtime.

When carrying passengers:
Don't ignore your passengers, if talking to those in the back, turn to face them - it's only polite.

Courtesy:
Always give way to vehicles larger than yours. If you are on a motorbike, give way to cars. If you are in a car, the TATA truck bearing down on you won't stop. Move. Now.

The Highway Code:
Indian speed restriction are guidelines, repeat, GUIDELINES.