O

Ooak! - The noise Thai people make when they're sick.

P

Phuket - Pronounced 'Fuck it'

Poi - at any beach party where space is a bit limited and one might think twice about juggling more than three balls at once or organising a game of five-a-side, some idiot will produce a bottle of kerosene and start swinging flaming tennis balls around her head because she thinks it looks cool. It doesn't. Stop it.

Q

R

S

Singha Beer - An absolute pleasure after a hard day's being on holiday. for the rest of your life however, every time you see a bottle of Singha in your local supermarket you will be transported back to golden beaches, the verandah of your beach bungalow, the sunsets, the parties. And your life as it is now, will seem like shit.

Snake Blood - "YOU WUN SNAY BLAA?!" Available in every self respecting restaurant from Chang Mai to Chaweng Beach. As a shooter, cocktail or with vodka (the new Red Bull?). Also comes in a five litre drum from the McDonald's on the corner of Khao San and Thanon Chakrabongse. Supersize for only a baht.

T

TV Restaurants - A really good idea. In any tourist area you'll find rows and rows of restaurants selling largely the same fare. So on SE Asian beaches each restaurant sets up a big screen TV and shows pirated VCDs of the very latest movies from hollywood and beyond while you eat you dinner. blackboards outside announce what's on at 7, 9 and 11pm and you choose your pad thai by what you fancy watching. Thai food is rich and varied, but when you're just killing time before the clubs open again, who gives a shit?

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