Australia is vast, huge, enormous, really, really big. A map of Australia laid over a map of Europe puts Perth in Spain, Darwin in Norway, Sydney in Turkey and Cairns a few kilometres outside Moscow.

History
Before the Aboriginals arrived around 42,000 years ago nothing much had happened in Australia. The continent was nicely self-sufficient and spent its time evolving various species of poisonous spiders, mile long snakes and plants that carried knives. The arrival of the first people offered a rare breed of orchid the means of practicing its newly developed martial arts, which might go some way to explaining why the Aboriginals decided to live in harmony with their surroundings rather than challenge it to a fight, which was just as well as there is a breed of ants which carry bats with nails in them. 41,770 years later, or 218 years ago, the British brought the fight to the Aboriginals and claimed the land for the Queen. Gunpowder gave them a headstart over the locals but shoes might have something to do with their subduing of the land. The first settlers were indeed convicts with 772 of them, including 13 children, arriving at Botany Bay in 1788 with the 'First Fleet'. The six British colonies, which made up Australia, joined and became independent in 1901 though it remained loyal to the 'mother country' and sent troops to fight in both world wars, a gesture which the British then repaid it for by joining the common market in the 1970s. This virtually destroyed Australia's agricultural exports, forcing them to take a close look at their geography and find ways to trade with Asia, but what they lost in loyalty to the Queen was more than made up for by what they saved on postage.

Geography
Australia is geographically diverse with tropical rainforests, golden beaches, majestic mountains and the deserts of the 'red centre' where they have a factory which makes all the dangerous animals. True.

Politics
Politically, Australia is much more interesting than the UK because their politicians fight more and call each other 'bastards' on TV. Unfortunately Australia has a three year election cycle which means that no one has enough time to get anything done. Voting is compulsory however, which is a step in right direction given recent trends in Europe, and South Australian women got the vote in 1894 (as opposed to 1995 in one Swiss canton).

fun
There is an alarming amount of fun to be had in Australia. If you find yourself not having fun chances are you've been bitten by a spider and are in a coma.

The day12 a-z is the combination of solid practical information and our readers fevered imaginations. it's up to you to decide which is which. Think of it as a quiz, but a quiz with very serious repercutions if you get the answer wrong...

The Day12 A-Z of...

Australia

A

Arachnid - A Sydney suburb where every other shop sells shoes, every toilet has sign saying 'Armed response', and EVERYTHING ELSE has eight legs.

Aussie Rules - A game designed for sportsmen who excel at both kicking a ball and passing it by hand but who are considered too dangerous to play either football or rugby. In Aussie rules the winning team is the one who has punched the most number of opposing players in the face or found the most inventive way of strangling them with their own shirts.

Ayer's Rock - or Uluru to the Aborigine. In the middle of the country. No one knows how it got there.

B

Bunderburg - Cheap, nasty rum that locals like to drink by the shed-load and then start fights with everyone and anyone. if drinking alone they will drink until they start fights with themselves. Act causiously if you're around Bunderburg drinkers because they'll insist you drink with them and if you refuse they'll become angry quicker than you can say 'TAXI!'

Barbeque - An australian form of outdoor banquet involving lots of raw meat and seafood thrown onto a grill above hot coals and eaten with beer refreshment.

Bollocks - (See G - G'day)

Boomerang - An aboriginal weapon made of plywood, sold in 5-dollar shops in Sydney decorated with painted lizards, which, when thrown into the air, descends like a sycamore seed and knocks all your mate's teeth out.

A-B | C-H | I-N | O-T | U-Z